Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
