The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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