I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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