thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
