i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
