Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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