i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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