We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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