just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
DRUNK COOKIES
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