Sry I called you an 8
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
