allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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