that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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