Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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