What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
