I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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