apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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