then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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