I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
