chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
