9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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