id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
