Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
