I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
