i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
