I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
