I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
