I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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