I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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