How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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