hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
