i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
