everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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