it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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