im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never underestimate the power of titties
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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