Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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