is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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