You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
