me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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