You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
