she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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