I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
