Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
