Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
