Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
