My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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