i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
