dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
