You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
