I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
