I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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