just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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