Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
