My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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