HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
