Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
