My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
never play flip cup with pint glasses
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
