Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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