Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
