im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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