I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
