fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
