I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We need a shit load of segways right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
